


ain't nobody got a mom like mine

by faintingviolet



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Athena Grant Acting as Evan "Buck" Buckley's Parental Figure, Athena only has to yell first, Buck and Eddie talk about feelings, Canon Compliant, Evan "Buck" Buckley Needs A Hug, Except I screwed with the timeline a little, Getting Together, Hopeful Ending, M/M, POV Alternating, Parental Athena Grant, Soft Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:01:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27520411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/faintingviolet/pseuds/faintingviolet
Summary: A few days after her release from the hospital Athena hears a deliberate knocking on the door. She’s not expecting to find Buck on the other side, but with the kids at school and Bobby back on shift she’s glad for the company all the same. The house had been feeling too quiet and Buck was good at filling a space with noise and activity.“Hi Athena, um, if it’s okay with you I’m here to keep you company.”or Buck has several conversations with Athena and they get his life in order. Mostly.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Athena Grant, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 348
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	ain't nobody got a mom like mine

**Author's Note:**

> As is becoming usual for me I had an idea that ended up turning into the middle of something. This one grew out of an idea I had for a conversation between Athena and Buck and the phrase "we can be good together." It survived the many revisions, but this story doesn't look anything like I thought it would when I started. 
> 
> This work is up without a beta, so all errors are mine and mine alone.

It took quite a bit to rattle Buck, and even more to get to Eddie. But listening to Athena fighting off an attacker by herself as they sat in the truck and drove to the scene had left them with a sense of disquiet that wasn’t easily dislodged. Buck didn’t know what exactly Bobby would have done if he had been the one to come across the rapist first, ax in hand. No, he did know, because he felt something very close to it when Eddie handed him a weapon of his own and they followed their captain into the storage facility ready to use them if necessary.

The feeling was dark, and vengeful, and the experience of helping wheel Athena into the ambulance with Bobby at her side did nothing to lessen it. The end of that shift couldn’t come quick enough. Without having to discuss it Buck followed Eddie to his house that night. They crawled into bed after checking on Christopher and just held onto each other, their phones near at hand. Each man remembered the time the other had been the one on the gurney. Neither slept much that night or the next.

Buck waited a full twenty-four hours before it was his turn to go to the hospital to check on Bobby and Athena. To sit with the Captain and to keep him company, to see that Athena was going to be okay for himself. He knew Eddie had taken Christopher to Bobby and Athena’s house to relieve Michael so he could spend a few hours in his office before taking the rest of the week off to be with the kids. Chris and Harry played as they usually did, if a little more subdued, and May stayed close to Eddie, quietly on her phone.

Neither man had liked what they had seen, but they knew from hard experience that this was part of the trauma process.

A few days after her release from the hospital Athena hears a deliberate knocking on the door. She’s not expecting to find Buck on the other side, but with the kids at school and Bobby back on shift she’s glad for the company all the same. The house had been feeling too quiet and Buck was good at filling a space with noise and activity. 

“Hi Athena, um, if it’s okay with you I’m here to keep you company.” Buck suddenly looks much younger than his 28 years to her; his hand on the back of his neck, his face downturned a bit more than necessary to make eye contact with her, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet. But there’s also a hard line of determination Athena spots in his eyes and a reusable grocery bag over his shoulder.

“Of course it’s okay Buckaroo, what you got in that bag?” Athena steps back from the doorway and starts heading down the stairs to the living room and her destroyed fireplace. Buck follows on her heels, closing the door quietly behind himself and staying within arm’s reach of Athena as they made their way towards the kitchen.

“Bobby let me know that you needed a few things, and I thought if you were up to it, we could cook together. I’ll be your sous chef, if you want. Slings get in the way, cast or no.”

Athena wondered to herself how he knew that, because it was said with an air of personal experience, not professional knowledge. But she’d learned over the years to let Buck open up at his own pace, pushing only ever shut him down or made him act out.

“That sounds good to me, there’s only so much reading or television I can handle right now anyway. What did you have in mind?”

“You have to promise not to tell Bobby, but I like your roast chicken with all the fixings better than his, I thought we could make that for dinner.” Buck starts unloading the bag, “I’m pretty sure I have everything we need but I could run back out if I forgot something.”

Athena takes a quick inventory of what Buck had brought with him, and pokes around her own pantry checking for a few ingredients that Buck wouldn’t have known about, things that she used that Bobby did not.

“We have everything we need, you want to bake something, too? The chicken won’t take too long and I’m in the mood for chocolate.” Athena starts pulling out the supplies she’d need for cake and pointing to the large canisters of flour and sugar for Buck to get for her.

“You’d teach me how to make your chocolate cake? Really?”

“If you want me to, sure.”

“But May says you wouldn’t even show her.”

“She’s not ready yet, doesn’t have the patience and her skills in the kitchen aren’t as strong as yours are. You’ve improved under Bobby’s tutelage but now it’s time for the Athena Grant graduate course. My husband doesn’t have all the cooking knowledge in this household.”

“Oh, I know, Athena, I know.”

They settle into a companionable rhythm which pleases Athena. It isn’t everyone that she feels comfortable sharing a kitchen with, sometimes she can’t even stand to have Bobby in there with her. She doesn’t have the stamina to stand next to Buck while he does everything, which annoys her, so instead she perches herself on a stool at the counter and lets Buck create a workspace for her there where she can see what he is doing and can guide him without being in the way. Once they get everything as prepped as they can she shoots Buck a look, eyebrow raised, and pushes out the stool next to her. The silent instruction is clear.

Buck heeds it without missing a beat, checking the timer as he walks around the island to the join Athena.

“I’m okay, you know.”

“I know you’ll be okay, Athena.”

“Hey kid, look at me.”

Once he looks at her she continues, “I’m glad you’re here, and I’m not chasing you out, but why are you really here Buckaroo. Did Bobby send you?”

“No, he didn’t tell me no either when I hinted what I was up to, but I didn’t come out and ask him either.”

“Buck baby, we can pretend you’re just here to cook and check on me, or you can tell me what’s bothering you.” Athena had noticed how the tension in his shoulders hadn’t eased over the course of the afternoon, how he kept looking at her when he thought she didn’t notice. There was something else he was here for, and if he was ready to tell her, she was ready to listen.

Buck drops eye contact and clears his throat, and his leg starts bouncing on the chair. Its nearly a minute before he answers her.

“Did Bobby tell you that your radio was open?”

“Hen did.” Bobby had intimated it as well, but the knowledge didn’t stick until she asked Hen to describe what had happened that night.

“Did she tell you that Bobby wouldn’t change channel when everyone was ordered to?”

This stops Athena cold. Hen hadn’t mentioned this part.

“Buckaroo, what are you telling me?”

“That we all heard what was happening, when you were fighting him off.” He says quietly, not looking directly at Athena.

“I’m so sorry baby, he shouldn’t have made you all listen to that.”

“We heard your gun go off.” Athena can barely hear him, his voice is just barely above a whisper at this point, but the lingering fear in his voice is shouting itself from his body.

She reaches out with her good arm and lays her hand on Buck’s, waits for him to turn towards her. She waits for whatever else it is he has to say, watching as tears start to escape his eyes and she finally sees the pain clearly that he’s been trying to keep hidden from her.

“I thought you were gone.”

She stands up from her stool and gathers Buck close. She holds him and rocks them while he cries, letting a few tears of her own escape because for a few moments there she thought she was gone too.

When he starts to sit himself up again, moving out of the embrace Athena places a quick kiss on his brow line, a reassurance to the both of them. She was still here, and they had more days together. If Buck was taken aback by this new action from Athena he didn’t let it show.

She gets glasses of water for them and comes back to sit next to Buck again. They have a few more minutes before they should move onto the next phase of cooking, and she thinks they aren’t quite done with this conversation, that there’s still more that Buck would like to say.

She breaks her own rule and pushes, just a little.

“But that isn’t the only thing bothering you.”

Buck took a deep breath and thought hard about what he wanted to say next. He knew that people teased Bobby and Athena that he was their third kid, they had all laughed about it at parties. What no one knew was that it made him sad each time it was said like it was a bad thing. Like his inclusion, even to a small degree, in their family was a burden.

It was a comfort to him to think of them as the people in his life who thought of him with parental concern, because what he had learned over the past year was that was what he wanted most from his relationships with Bobby and Athena. To be cared for and considered. He had fought so hard to get back to life before the truck bombing and it had nearly cost him everything. Those six months had nearly broken him beyond repair.

He looked over at Athena, saw the patience and confidence in her eyes, and decided that he could tell her what he felt, and know that she would hear him out.

“Maddie and I don’t talk about our parents to anyone. They aren’t bad people, but they were bad parents. We don’t have relationships with them at this point. Well, I don’t, I’m not as sure about Maddie.”

Athena nods, gently encouraging Buck to continue, wondering to herself what could have happened to make such good and caring people as Maddie and Buck walk away from their parents.

“I haven’t really had people in my life who care about me the way a parent is supposed to, not since I was very young. And I thought I was okay with it, that I was good on my own. But then I joined the 118 and met Bobby and he just wouldn’t let me get away with anything. He saw the me that I am now stuck inside the me I was then.”

Buck chances a quick look at Athena and sees the knowing nod she makes.

“He’s always called me Kid because I’m the youngest. But more often than I’d admit to anyone else but you, I wished that I was his kid. Athena, what would I be like if my own father gave as much of a shit about me being the best version of myself, the real best version not whatever he thought I should be, as Bobby does? As you do.”

Athena snakes her good hand back into Buck’s, squeezes lightly, communicating that he is safe, that his emotions are safe with her.

“So, when I feel like I need an adult voice, when having a parent would be nice, I think about what you and Bobby would say or do.” Buck takes a deep breath, says very softly, “And sometimes I’m brave enough to ask you.”

“When we heard that shot everyone reacted in their own way, but for me it felt like losing a mom I had just gotten. I know I drive you nuts, and I know you didn’t even like me the first year I worked at the 118, but I respect you, and I love you, in my way.”

That’s all Buck can manage, but it’s all of it, really. Certainly, it’s the important stuff. He notices then that Athena is still holding his hand, gently rubbing her thumb in circles on the back of his, and it gives him the boost of bravery to look at her again, to see the room beyond this small patch of countertop he had been staring at for the past few minutes.

Athena had known some of that, from conversations with Bobby and Maddie over the past couple years, from the fact that Buck isn’t as good at hiding his emotions as he seems to think he is, his face gives him away more often than not. But it’s another thing to have him come out and say it to her, to acknowledge the anguish he was feeling, and the hope.

“Buckaroo, you’ve been ours since there was an us.” The gentle truth escapes her before she has much time to think about it.

She fights the urge to reach up and close his open mouth as he stares at her wide-eyed.

“We hadn’t wanted to overstep, especially now that Maddie is in L.A and you both have been so reticent to talk about your parents, we didn’t know exactly where the line should be. Its tough for Bobby especially, as shown by how poorly he communicated his concerns to you about coming back on the job while on blood thinners.”

Buck shrinks away from that, glancing quickly over his shoulder to the dining room table that had been the location of one of the worst nights of his life.

“You are an adult, you have your own life, and we’re both proud of how you’ve grown. You and I started rocky, that’s certainly true, but we’re a long way past that now.”

Buck nods his understanding, Athena’s reassurance sinking slowly below the surface of his skin and beginning to settle in his bones.

“But most importantly we’re invested in you, we care. And that can be whatever we want it to be. But I want you to know that you have a place with us whenever you want it, you can call me whenever you need or want to, and you don’t have to wait for something to be catastrophic.”

“I’m fine Athena.”

“Uh huh, but we can be good together. Now let’s get started on that cake before the other two get home from school and get in our way.”

Buck wasn’t expecting to use his newfound permission to call Athena whenever he wanted for whatever reason so soon after their dinner with May and Harry. It had been so easy to settle in with the three of them, to feel comfortable just as himself, to indulge in the fun of being part of the dynamic. He had left that night feeling lighter than he had in a long time.

Of course, it didn’t last more than 48 hours. There was the train derailment, and Abby, and the fight with Bobby and the look of disappointment on Eddie’s face. He didn’t know what to do with any of it, but at least now he knew he could reach out to Athena.

 ** _Hey Athena, do you have a minute to chat?_** He sent the text off before he could talk himself out of it; he shouldn’t have been at all surprised when his phone immediately rang in his hand with Athena’s caller ID photo lighting up the screen.

“Hey Athena.”

“What’s up Buckaroo?”

“Oh, um, you didn’t have to call.” His nerves showing in his voice, betraying his lack of self-confidence.

“Its easier, honey, with the cast and the concussion. I’m just working on getting things in order for May’s party so I can talk and do that at the same time.”

“Do you want me to help?”

“Maybe in a couple days, I’ll need help moving furniture and stuff around and Michael and Bobby might not be able to do it. But that isn’t what you wanted to talk about.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Buck wipes his hand down his face, trying to shake the nervousness, the low rolling nausea that was threatening. “Am I on speaker phone?”

“Yes baby, but I’m the only one in the house. What don’t you want Bobby to hear?”

“Its just that I yelled at him last night, at the train derailment. And he’s probably still pretty ticked off with me.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes. I wanted to do a dangerous rescue and he didn’t want me to, and I yelled and said I wasn’t you and he had to let me do my job.”

“Oh, and how did that go over?”

“I’m kind of surprised he didn’t slug me, honestly. He looked like he wanted to. But he let me do the rescue and we got both people out.”

“Well that’s good at least. What else happened?”

“Did Bobby not tell you anything about this?”

“Oh, he did, but I’m more interested in you telling me about it.” Bobby had unloaded when he had gotten home, about Buck making promises he shouldn’t have, about rescues being undertaken that were riskier than they needed to be, about Abby being there with her fiancé and the tension between Eddie and Buck the whole time they were on site at the derailment. Bobby would never complain about a shift where they were able to bring more people home safe than he had hoped, but it had obviously taken a toll on all of them.

“One of the people was Abby’s fiancé. She was on the train.”

“Mhmm, and you spoke to her?”

Buck stopped pacing around the lower floor of his apartment and slumped down onto his couch. “Yeah, I um, may have promised her that I’d get her fiancé out safe. Which led to the fight with Bobby since the other person, a girl, had the better chance of surviving according to Eddie and she should have been the priority. But getting her out would have killed Abby’s fiancé.”

“And you couldn’t let that happen, because you’d promised the woman you used to love. Buckaroo, you know that was a stupid thing to do, to promise something like that.”

“Yeah, Eddie and Bobby both made sure I knew how dumb I was being.”

“Okay. What’s next?”

Buck was initially struck by the words – he had said the same ones to Eddie the night before when he had asked him if he was okay, he had used them as a dodge. 

“What do you mean?”

“Did you just want to talk through what happened to process it or is there something more? Either is fine with me Buckaroo.

“Oh. I don’t know what to do with any of them, Athena. Its Abby, I haven’t laid eyes on her in two years, haven’t spoken to her in over 18 months and the sight of her stopped me dead, and she’s _engaged_ to someone else. Bobby and Eddie were so mad at me, and then Eddie had this funny look on his face once the rescue was done.”

“Okay, who first? Abby, Bobby, or Eddie?”

“Bobby.”

“What’s the problem?”

“I’m afraid that he’s still mad, that this is going to be another thing that comes between us.”

“So, don’t let it. Step up, apologize for the things you said that were out of line, own up to any decisions that weren’t the best, and thank him for trusting you to do the job.”

“You make it sound easy.”

“Because it is. Its up to both of you to keep your relationship in a good place, but don’t apologize for something you don’t think you did wrong and don’t expect him to either.”

“Alright.”

“Okay, who’s next – Abby or Eddie?”

“Abby.”

Athena was a little surprised that the woman who had so thoroughly broken his heart when she left would be the one he wanted to talk about next, but she tried to keep that out of her voice.

“Okay, are you still stopped dead?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.”

“What did you feel when you saw her, once the surprise passed?”

“Hurt. Every part of me that loved her felt raw and painful all at once, and the ache hasn’t really eased up.”

“Is there anything you can do about it?”

“She texted me this morning, from her new number. She thanked me, again, and asked if we could meet up to talk.”

“Do you want to?”

“Talk to her? Probably. There’s some answers I’d like to get from her.”

“That would probably help with getting some closure, since this has been an open wound for you for a long time. You okay to go alone? I can come with you, sit in the Jeep while you talk to her.”

“I’ll think about it, thanks Athena.”

“Okay, that leaves Eddie. What conversation do you need to have with him?”

Buck chuckled, Athena knew him enough to know that he just needed a sounding board. But this one he was going to have to give her some background that no one else had.

“We have to talk about how upset he was, and is, with me about Abby.”

Oh, this was interesting. “What is he upset about, specifically?”

Buck knew he had to just spit it out, but it was hard, so he sidestepped. “I’m pretty sure its because of how much seeing her effected me.”

“Oh? He’s upset with you for having feelings? I thought he didn’t do that anymore.”

“He doesn’t, usually. There might be a little jealousy there and some hurt, particularly since I didn’t talk to him about it after the fact when he asked.”

Athena was intrigued. _Jealousy_. She had spent enough time around the pair to know that there was something more there than friendship if they wanted there to be. Relying on her gut she remained quiet, knowing that Buck would fill in the silence if it lasted long enough.

“After he rescued the little boy from the well and we almost lost him? And after I met Red and all that happened? I, um, well you see Athena. I kissed him.” Buck said all in one breath.

“So, you two are finally dating then?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Buckaroo, you _don’t think so_? Shouldn’t that be something you know?”

“We haven’t gone on an official date, but I’m there almost every night we aren’t working. But that’s not so much of a change from before.”

“But have you _talked_ about the fact that you are… my god… that you are very possibly dating right now or are going to be in the very near future?” Conversations with May were nowhere near this dramatic, and she was a senior in high school.

“Sort of?”

“ _BUCK._ ”

“Athena it’s the same as its always been, except now we kiss, and make out a little, and I sleep in his bed with him – it hasn’t gone past that point, yet…”

“Evan Buckley I’m not asking you that question, I’m asking if you’ve _talked to him_. I know Eddie’s not big on talking, and you’re afraid of rocking the boat and losing something before you really have it, but you have to talk about this.”

Buck sighed, “I know.”

“Listen to me very carefully now. Is it possible that seeing how you responded to Abby has upset him because he thinks you are dating and then you wouldn’t talk to him and therefore dropped the floor out from beneath him? You two need to get on the same page, and you need to do it now, before you accidentally hurt each other more.”

“When you say it like that, yes.”

“When I say it like anything the answer is yes. You have work to do, and quick.”

“So, I should talk to him before I talk to Abby?”

“YES! How would you feel if the places were reversed Buck?”

“Like shit.”

“Go talk to him. Now.” And with that, Athena hung up on her pseudo stepson. 

Eddie had spent the day at odds and ends. They’d gotten off shift after the train derailment and he’d just wanted to talk to Buck about what had happened with Abby and her fiancé, but Buck didn’t let that happen, he kept avoiding the topic. He would have followed him home, but he had to get home for Christopher, which Buck well knew, and it just made Eddie that much more upset at the other man.

So Eddie had filled that odds and ends feeling with getting things done what needed to be done to keep his life on schedule. He’d gone home, taken his son to school, come back home, thrown a load of laundry in, slept, switched the laundry, and was now contemplating what he was going to feed himself and Christopher for dinner that night. When he heard his front door open, he checked the clock, wondering who it was. It was too early for Carla and Christopher. It didn’t take long for the answer to present itself in the kitchen doorway in the form of Buck’s 6’2” frame.

“Hey Eds.”

“Buck. What are you doing here?”

“Do I need a reason?”

“Not usually, but I’m thinking you probably have one.”

Eddie was trying so hard not to be annoyed, not to let his concern from the previous night, and his fear, and his disappointment from this morning slip through. He had thought they were headed in the same direction, but Buck’s behavior made him question everything that had passed between them in the previous 10 days.

“I’m sorry, for not talking to you when you asked me to. For not realizing that not talking to you about Abby would make you think we weren’t okay.”

“And are we okay, Buck?”

“I’m really hoping we are.”

“What does okay mean to you? Because I want to make sure we’re saying the same thing here.”

Eddie figures they have about a half hour before Carla does walk in the front door with Christopher in tow, which is a nice escape valve for him if this doesn’t go the way he hopes it will.

“Do you remember the older couple who passed away the same day? You’d been with us for a couple months then, the one had gotten hit by their car in the driveway and his husband just sort of went too?”

“Yeah, I do. You had been talking to the husband. Why are you bringing that up now?”

“I promise it makes sense.”

“Alright.”

“We had been talking, the husband and I and he told me something that has stayed with me since. I told him I wished to find a love like theirs, and he told me that you don’t find it, you make it.”

“Buck, what are you trying to tell me?”

“That I want to see what we can make of us if you want to. That’s what okay means to me. But it also means that if you don’t want to, I’ll understand and you’ll still be my best friend, Eddie. That’s not changing.”

Eddie lets it sink in, what Buck was saying, as relief spreads throughout his nervous system.

“So, um, which one is it Eds?”

“The first one Buck, I’ve been the first one for a long time already.”

Buck finally leaves the doorway then, moving quickly into Eddie’s personal space as the other man’s arms instinctively wrap around him and they lean into the kiss that was still so new but also already felt familiar.

“Good,” Buck breathed out once their lips parted, “I am sorry that I shut down about Abby.” 

Eddie lets Buck lean away from him but keeps Buck within the circumference of his arms.

“It’s okay. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to hide that from me. You don’t have to protect me from how you feel about Abby.”

“It just caught me off guard. You saw what I was like when she left.”

“I did.” Eddie carefully avoids voicing any judgements about how Abby left or how Buck dealt with being left. He has very little room to make judgements on that topic given his own history.

Buck leans back in, placing his forehead on Eddie’s shoulder and nuzzling in, “She texted, she wants to meet up and talk.”

Eddie moves one hand up to the back of Buck’s neck and squeezes gently in support and reassurance, “Do you want to?”

“Yeah, I talked to Athena about it before I came over and I do.”

“Do you want to do that today?”

“No. Maybe tomorrow. Athena said she’d go with me if I wanted her to. I want to think about it a little more. Oh, um, Athena knows, about us I mean.”

“Okay, that’s fine with me. But maybe we can get her to agree to not tell Bobby just yet?” Eddie takes a breath, he’s not worried about anyone knowing, but he’d prefer to tell their captain themselves.

“Yeah, I’ll call her and tell her we’re okay and that we’ll tell Bobby soon.”

“Good. After that, do you want to save Christopher and I from whatever I was going to end up cooking for dinner and maybe talk to Carla when she gets here with Chris in a few?”

“Yes. I am not letting you ruin our dinner.”

And just like that everything was headed in the direction it should be.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed, comments are always welcome/


End file.
